rivulet027: (Default)
rivulet027 ([personal profile] rivulet027) wrote in [community profile] fandomweekly2017-06-05 06:52 pm

[#43] Fault and Cold (Legends of Tomorrow)

Theme Prompt: #043 - Go for broke
Title: Fault and Cold
Fandom: Legends of Tomorrow/MCU (one brief character)
Rating/Warnings: PG-13, cryophobia, canon typical violence, panic attack
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 874
Summary: It's not Mick's fault. He promised Oliver he'd keep Ray safe.


It’s not my fault.

I made a promise I knew I couldn’t keep. I don’t even like Oliver. I’d say I don’t even like Ray, but lying to myself just seems stupid.

It’s not my fault.

I’m not a hero. Ray’s ideals and determination to live by them are only going to get him in trouble eventually. Optimism can only get you so far if you have no realism. I’ve seen him negotiate though, the man runs a business, so I don’t understand how there are some essentials of surviving he just doesn’t understand.

Lisa would’ve taken one look at Ray and conned him out of every cent he’d ever owned.

Oliver asked me watch his back, try and keep Ray from walking into a situation he wouldn’t be able to walk out of.

It’s not my fault.

It’s all fun and games when Gideon is first trying to talk you into what she insists is clothing appropriate for the time period. Ray in WWII Navy whites had been worth taking several pictures and sending them to Oliver, proof that Ray is still enjoying being the dashing hero. I even let him take pictures of me in my Army get up.

It’s not my fault.

Should’ve known the mission would go wrong. Hindsight doesn’t help. Should’ve known. We end up in a stupid chase. The sound of Sara yelling at Jax and Stein not to join even though the Time Pirates we’re chasing are firing into a crowd should serve to warn me that is just going to get worse. I grab a screaming child and shove him at a running adult, then turn back in time to see Ray put himself between a woman and the Time Pirate that’s been waving his gun around.

I don’t need Time Master standard issue gear to know that the woman is Peggy Carter and in the grand scheme of things she’s more important than any of us. The one with the gun is laughing, threatening, enjoying the target he just found for us to save. If we live through this we’re going to meet Peggy Carter, Len would be so jealous. He always admired her.

Carter pulls a gun and tries to put Ray behind her. Sara and Amarya are fighting the other Time Pirates. Jax is getting more people to safety. Stein is helping him, but they’re not close enough to merge, not close enough to create a distraction. Nate is yelling, but he’s too far away. I raise my heat gun, but the three of them are already scuffling towards the edge of the pier and Ray is falling in, red already spreading through the white of his clothes. I hit the guy that shot Ray over the head. He falls and the woman is quickly tying him up. Ray isn’t surfacing. There’s ice in the water. It’s cold enough out that I can see my breath. There’s red in the water and ice.

It’s not my fault.

The only cold I could ever touch was Len. It’s not my element.

It’s not my fault.

I don’t remember making the decision to go after Ray. I hear the splash of myself hitting the water. The cold rushes in stealing my breath and my thoughts.

I made a promise I can’t keep. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it when I made it.

It’s not my fault. I can’t do cold.

Not my fault.

Not…

My heads full of cotton and guilt when I wake, teeth chattering. There’s a fire nearby. Someone’s lying next to me and I don’t know if I want to edge close to their warmth or punch them. I start to swing, but Carter catches my hand.

“I think your friend’s been through enough.”

I’m too cold. Still too cold.

“Ray?” I ask.

It’s Ray next to me, asleep, patched up. Both of us are covered in blankets. The bed is narrow, barely fits both of us. Jax folds another heavy blanket over both of us. He’s saying something I can’t make out. Carter says something too. Jax’s hands reach under the blanket and squeeze mine, cupping them, warming them with his. “Man, you are still cold.”

“Not my fault,” I manage.

“Hey, you did good. Kinda scared us after we got the two of you out of the water, but…you’re still shaking.”

It’s not my fault. Cryophobia.

Jax’s hands squeeze mine. If I could seep all the warmth out of Jax and Ray I might get warm. I’m never going to be warm again. So cold. More blankets weigh me down as Nate sits near my head, talking insistently. His voice is lulling. I try to latch onto it, try to let it distract me from the cold. Nate touches me slowly, warm hands on my neck, my cheeks. Amaya squeezes onto the bed behind me, burrows under the blankets and wraps herself around me. I’m being snuggled. It should be horrible. I’m so cold. Sara makes me take medicine from Gideon. She’s being nice. Stein looks worried. Great, they’ll be insufferable now, thinking I’m some kind of hero. I made a promise. I don’t care what they decide, I didn’t screw this one up. It’s not my fault.

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