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fandomweekly2019-01-21 08:10 pm
canadiandiamond) wrote in fandomweekly2019-01-21 08:10 pm
Entry tags:
[#003] Failure to Lunch (Parks and Recreation)
Theme Prompt: #003 - Devil's Advocate
Title: Failure to Lunch
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating/Warnings: None
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 885
Summary: Ron Swanson ponders what to have for lunch, and Andy is being, well. Andy.
Ron flipped through the fast food flyers once more, looking for the perfect lunch time take out option. He’d left his lunch at home so he’d have to order something, and he was carefully weighing out his options.
If only JJ’s Diner delivered, Ron knew exactly what he’d order. Waffles, definitely. Or no, maybe…
Ron thought back to last week, when he’d decided to leave work early and have a late brunch at JJ’s. He’d taken on The Four Horse-Meals of the Egg-Pork-alypse, a plateful even for a gourmand such as himself. It had been a great day indeed, but today he actually had plans for after work and being too full wouldn’t do, unfortunately.
He sighed and returned to the present, looking through the menus once again from the beginning. They were sorted alphabetically, with a disproportionate number of B options starting with ‘BBQ.’
“Whatcha doin’?” asked a voice from his door. Andy Dwyer leaned against the door frame, looking into Ron’s office.
“Picking out lunch,” Ron replied without looking up.
“The most important meal of the day, right?” Andy said, entering the office without being asked to do so.
“False, Andrew.” Ron laid the assortment of pamphlets down and clasped his hands together, looking up at him. “All meals are equally important, and, as an aside, should all provide you with a heaping amount of red meat and protein. It’s just science.” He nodded to the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness which hung on the wall behind him for emphasis.
“Right, right.” Andy rubbed his chin, then snapped his fingers. “Hey, what about something with guacamole in it, huh? Like a dip, and some nachos to dip in it, maybe?”
Ron wrinkled his nose at the suggestion, his mustache visibly brustling. “That sounds horrible.”
“Dude, no, chips and dip are awesome! April and I eat it all the time while we watch crappy reality tv at home.” Andy plopped down into one of the chairs across from Ron and reached for the menus.
“You’re literally making this sound worse and worse with each word you say,” replied Ron, reaching out to slap Andy’s hand away.
“Ouch,” he said, shaking his hand a little. “All right, well, how about…” Andy looked at the menus - though he dared not actually touch them again - and pointed at one. “Ooh, right there, they do a great twist on avocado toast -”
“Stop right there, son.” Ron closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “If you ever see me eating avocado toast, it is a clear indicator that I have been kidnapped and replaced by an alien lifeform or an android of some sort. Either that or I am being held hostage and there is a gun pointed directly at my spine, and even then I probably wouldn’t eat avocado toast.” The last words dripped with Ron’s disdain, so heavily that even Andy couldn’t miss it.
“I’m picking up a vibe here,” said Andy, squinting at Ron. “Though I could be wrong. It’s happened before. A lot, actually, but whatever.” He looked back down at the menus and saw one more, reaching for it before remembering and pulling back. “The grilled flank steak with chimichurri sauce is pretty dang fine.”
“At least you’re offering me something that once had parents,” mused Ron, raising one eyebrow higher than the other, “but tell me, Andy: why are you so interested in what I have for lunch?” He looked down at the last menu to which Andy had gestured, reading the entry for the flank steak option. “And why all the avocados?”
“It’s a game you can play, April taught it to me,” he replied, sitting up and grinning broadly. “You talk about some options or choices or whatever, and I try and get you to do something with an avocado. It’s super fun,” he added.
“I… what? Have you been drinking?” Ron glanced over his shoulder to double check that his supply of Lagavulin was locked and stored away, relieved to find that it remained intact.
“No no no, it’s a game,” Andy reiterated. “You know, playing Devil’s Avocado.”
“Devil’s…” started Ron disbelievingly. “Avocado,” he said a beat later, blinking at the other man. Well, man-child, he thought to himself.
“So you’ve heard of it?” asked Andy.
“Are you being serious right now?” Ron looked around Andy to see if anyone else was waiting outside the office, filming this for a prank or something along those lines. “Or is this actually something that you think is real?”
“Whichever you decide it is, wouldn’t you also like to have one of these to eat?” Andy reached into his pocket and pulled out an avocado, placing it on Ron’s desk with a huge grin.
Ron just stared at it for a second and then picked it up, hurling it with extreme force outside his office door, just as Jerry was walking past.
“Ow! Hey!” came a shout from the hallway.
“Smooth move, Jerry, I’m trying to make a point here,” Ron said.
“Avocado smoothie,” Andy said, clapping his hands together.
“All right, that’s it,” announced Ron, rising to his feet. “I am going out to JJ’s for lunch and I will be back tomorrow.” He paused before exiting the door, looking back at Andy. “Maybe.”
Title: Failure to Lunch
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Rating/Warnings: None
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 885
Summary: Ron Swanson ponders what to have for lunch, and Andy is being, well. Andy.
Ron flipped through the fast food flyers once more, looking for the perfect lunch time take out option. He’d left his lunch at home so he’d have to order something, and he was carefully weighing out his options.
If only JJ’s Diner delivered, Ron knew exactly what he’d order. Waffles, definitely. Or no, maybe…
Ron thought back to last week, when he’d decided to leave work early and have a late brunch at JJ’s. He’d taken on The Four Horse-Meals of the Egg-Pork-alypse, a plateful even for a gourmand such as himself. It had been a great day indeed, but today he actually had plans for after work and being too full wouldn’t do, unfortunately.
He sighed and returned to the present, looking through the menus once again from the beginning. They were sorted alphabetically, with a disproportionate number of B options starting with ‘BBQ.’
“Whatcha doin’?” asked a voice from his door. Andy Dwyer leaned against the door frame, looking into Ron’s office.
“Picking out lunch,” Ron replied without looking up.
“The most important meal of the day, right?” Andy said, entering the office without being asked to do so.
“False, Andrew.” Ron laid the assortment of pamphlets down and clasped his hands together, looking up at him. “All meals are equally important, and, as an aside, should all provide you with a heaping amount of red meat and protein. It’s just science.” He nodded to the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness which hung on the wall behind him for emphasis.
“Right, right.” Andy rubbed his chin, then snapped his fingers. “Hey, what about something with guacamole in it, huh? Like a dip, and some nachos to dip in it, maybe?”
Ron wrinkled his nose at the suggestion, his mustache visibly brustling. “That sounds horrible.”
“Dude, no, chips and dip are awesome! April and I eat it all the time while we watch crappy reality tv at home.” Andy plopped down into one of the chairs across from Ron and reached for the menus.
“You’re literally making this sound worse and worse with each word you say,” replied Ron, reaching out to slap Andy’s hand away.
“Ouch,” he said, shaking his hand a little. “All right, well, how about…” Andy looked at the menus - though he dared not actually touch them again - and pointed at one. “Ooh, right there, they do a great twist on avocado toast -”
“Stop right there, son.” Ron closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “If you ever see me eating avocado toast, it is a clear indicator that I have been kidnapped and replaced by an alien lifeform or an android of some sort. Either that or I am being held hostage and there is a gun pointed directly at my spine, and even then I probably wouldn’t eat avocado toast.” The last words dripped with Ron’s disdain, so heavily that even Andy couldn’t miss it.
“I’m picking up a vibe here,” said Andy, squinting at Ron. “Though I could be wrong. It’s happened before. A lot, actually, but whatever.” He looked back down at the menus and saw one more, reaching for it before remembering and pulling back. “The grilled flank steak with chimichurri sauce is pretty dang fine.”
“At least you’re offering me something that once had parents,” mused Ron, raising one eyebrow higher than the other, “but tell me, Andy: why are you so interested in what I have for lunch?” He looked down at the last menu to which Andy had gestured, reading the entry for the flank steak option. “And why all the avocados?”
“It’s a game you can play, April taught it to me,” he replied, sitting up and grinning broadly. “You talk about some options or choices or whatever, and I try and get you to do something with an avocado. It’s super fun,” he added.
“I… what? Have you been drinking?” Ron glanced over his shoulder to double check that his supply of Lagavulin was locked and stored away, relieved to find that it remained intact.
“No no no, it’s a game,” Andy reiterated. “You know, playing Devil’s Avocado.”
“Devil’s…” started Ron disbelievingly. “Avocado,” he said a beat later, blinking at the other man. Well, man-child, he thought to himself.
“So you’ve heard of it?” asked Andy.
“Are you being serious right now?” Ron looked around Andy to see if anyone else was waiting outside the office, filming this for a prank or something along those lines. “Or is this actually something that you think is real?”
“Whichever you decide it is, wouldn’t you also like to have one of these to eat?” Andy reached into his pocket and pulled out an avocado, placing it on Ron’s desk with a huge grin.
Ron just stared at it for a second and then picked it up, hurling it with extreme force outside his office door, just as Jerry was walking past.
“Ow! Hey!” came a shout from the hallway.
“Smooth move, Jerry, I’m trying to make a point here,” Ron said.
“Avocado smoothie,” Andy said, clapping his hands together.
“All right, that’s it,” announced Ron, rising to his feet. “I am going out to JJ’s for lunch and I will be back tomorrow.” He paused before exiting the door, looking back at Andy. “Maybe.”