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fandomweekly2019-10-25 09:05 am
mxcatmoon) wrote in fandomweekly2019-10-25 09:05 am
Entry tags:
[#029] Forgive Not Forget (Torchwood)
Theme Prompt: #029 - Ghosts
Title: Forgive Not Forget
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating/Warnings: Teen (mature topic, one swear word)
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 960
Summary: Some ghosts will always haunt you.
Forgive Not Forget
Ianto was drifting comfortably in limbo when the alarm on Jack's wrist strap went off. He watched through half-opened eyes as his lover checked it, then threw off the blanket. Ianto started to get up too, but Jack's hand on his shoulder halted him.
“Just a Weevil, I can handle it.”
“You sure?” Ianto asked, feeling guilty for his relief at not having to get up yet.
“I've been handling Weevils since before you were born.”
Ianto flipped over onto his stomach. “That's not half weird,” he mumbled into his pillow.
Jack slapped him on the rear. “Keep the bed warm for me.” He leaned back and pressed a kiss to Ianto's shoulder blade, then climbed up the ladder.
Ianto listened to Jack's progress through the Hub until he was no longer audible. He dozed for a while, enjoying the opportunity to be lazy. Eventually, the bed got lonely and he decided to get up and make some coffee. Jack would no doubt appreciate it when he got back.
Ianto tossed on his shirt and slacks and made his way into the kitchenette. When a sudden noise above startled him, he looked up, expecting to see Myfanway until remembering she was out for the night. Something small and dark swooped past. A bird, or a bat perhaps?
“Bats in the belfry,” he murmured to himself in amusement. Well, if that was the case, their resident dinosaur would have a nice snack for breakfast.
He was getting out the mugs when he heard whispering. He tensed. No one should be in the Hub, and he would have heard the Cog door if Jack had returned.
Ianto moved through the base, listening intently, straining his hearing and following the murmuring down into the lower levels.
“Who's there?” Ianto asked aloud. Reason told him he had to be dreaming, or... or the Hub had ghosts. There was no way anyone could get in without the alarms going off.
Ianto was so intent at following the sound that he didn't notice his surroundings until he abruptly stopped in front of a too familiar door. The door to the room where he'd kept...
“No...” Fear clenched his gut, threatening to swamp him. He wiped sweaty hands on his shirt. Then he turned and ran.
XXX
Ianto sat on the edge of the desk, sipping a comforting mug of coffee. The gun he'd gotten from the armory lay on the desk beside him. He didn't know if he wanted Jack to come back right now, or not. He didn't relish telling the other man that he was hearing voices. Jack might think he was losing his mind.
“And am I?”
He couldn't deny the stress he'd been under since Canary Warf. Was it any wonder he was starting to lose his faculties? Things had been getting better since... whatever this was between him and Jack, but maybe it was a false sense of security.
“I'm not going crazy,” he told the empty room. “I'm just talking to myself.”
Finishing his coffee, Ianto gathered his courage. He had to face his demons. He walked back downstairs, the comforting weight of the gun in his hand. In front of the door once again, he rested his palm against it.
And jumped when the unmistakable sound of his name came from the other side.
Unable to stand the suspense any longer, Ianto flung open the door.
There in the shadows, his eyes made out a dark form. He slowly brought up his light, nearly dropping it when the beam landed on the vision of someone he never expected to see again. Lisa Hallett. He choked down a scream. It was her, yet insubstantial, he could see the wall through her body.
“Lisa.” Ianto was surprised at how steady his voice sounded.
“Ianto...
“You're dead.” She didn't answer, merely gazed at him disconcertingly. “You aren't here,” he told the apparition. “You're just a figment of my imagination.”
“Ianto...”
He could feel tears building behind his eyes and willed them not to fall. “Why are you here?!”
“Forgive...”
Ianto dropped to his knees. “God, Lisa. Please...”
“Forgive yourself.”
The tears ran down his cheeks. “I tried, Lisa. I tried so hard...”
“Forgive,” she repeated.
Perhaps he was doomed to be haunted by the past until he accepted it and forgave himself for his failure.
“I'm sorry I couldn't save you,” Ianto told her. “I'm sorry I almost got the others killed, that two people died because of my love for you.” As the words came, he felt a lessening of the heaviness that had weighed him down. “I'm sorry that I want to live when you're dead. That I've moved on. That I... I'm with Jack now, and I'm happy.” He wiped his tears away with shaking fingers. “I'm sorry.”
He'd done his best, no matter how poorly that was. And he was still breathing, waking up every day, living and laughing and fucking. The scars would heal eventually, he knew that. And there was only one way to get rid of the guilt haunting him.
“I forgive myself,” he whispered.
With those words, Lisa's form began to fade away. Ianto wanted to call her back, tell her not to leave, but knew he couldn't.
“I'll always love you, Lisa,” he said as the last of the ghost vanished.
XXX
Ianto was dozing when Jack slid into bed next to him. He reached out, gathering the other man into his arms, shivering slightly when outdoors-chilled flesh came into contact with his warm skin.
“Missed me, did you?” Jack asked with a knowing smirk.
“Kept the bed warm,” Ianto told him, pulling the living body in his arms even closer.
He had forgiven but would never forget, and that was as it should be.
The end
Title: Forgive Not Forget
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating/Warnings: Teen (mature topic, one swear word)
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 960
Summary: Some ghosts will always haunt you.
Forgive Not Forget
Ianto was drifting comfortably in limbo when the alarm on Jack's wrist strap went off. He watched through half-opened eyes as his lover checked it, then threw off the blanket. Ianto started to get up too, but Jack's hand on his shoulder halted him.
“Just a Weevil, I can handle it.”
“You sure?” Ianto asked, feeling guilty for his relief at not having to get up yet.
“I've been handling Weevils since before you were born.”
Ianto flipped over onto his stomach. “That's not half weird,” he mumbled into his pillow.
Jack slapped him on the rear. “Keep the bed warm for me.” He leaned back and pressed a kiss to Ianto's shoulder blade, then climbed up the ladder.
Ianto listened to Jack's progress through the Hub until he was no longer audible. He dozed for a while, enjoying the opportunity to be lazy. Eventually, the bed got lonely and he decided to get up and make some coffee. Jack would no doubt appreciate it when he got back.
Ianto tossed on his shirt and slacks and made his way into the kitchenette. When a sudden noise above startled him, he looked up, expecting to see Myfanway until remembering she was out for the night. Something small and dark swooped past. A bird, or a bat perhaps?
“Bats in the belfry,” he murmured to himself in amusement. Well, if that was the case, their resident dinosaur would have a nice snack for breakfast.
He was getting out the mugs when he heard whispering. He tensed. No one should be in the Hub, and he would have heard the Cog door if Jack had returned.
Ianto moved through the base, listening intently, straining his hearing and following the murmuring down into the lower levels.
“Who's there?” Ianto asked aloud. Reason told him he had to be dreaming, or... or the Hub had ghosts. There was no way anyone could get in without the alarms going off.
Ianto was so intent at following the sound that he didn't notice his surroundings until he abruptly stopped in front of a too familiar door. The door to the room where he'd kept...
“No...” Fear clenched his gut, threatening to swamp him. He wiped sweaty hands on his shirt. Then he turned and ran.
XXX
Ianto sat on the edge of the desk, sipping a comforting mug of coffee. The gun he'd gotten from the armory lay on the desk beside him. He didn't know if he wanted Jack to come back right now, or not. He didn't relish telling the other man that he was hearing voices. Jack might think he was losing his mind.
“And am I?”
He couldn't deny the stress he'd been under since Canary Warf. Was it any wonder he was starting to lose his faculties? Things had been getting better since... whatever this was between him and Jack, but maybe it was a false sense of security.
“I'm not going crazy,” he told the empty room. “I'm just talking to myself.”
Finishing his coffee, Ianto gathered his courage. He had to face his demons. He walked back downstairs, the comforting weight of the gun in his hand. In front of the door once again, he rested his palm against it.
And jumped when the unmistakable sound of his name came from the other side.
Unable to stand the suspense any longer, Ianto flung open the door.
There in the shadows, his eyes made out a dark form. He slowly brought up his light, nearly dropping it when the beam landed on the vision of someone he never expected to see again. Lisa Hallett. He choked down a scream. It was her, yet insubstantial, he could see the wall through her body.
“Lisa.” Ianto was surprised at how steady his voice sounded.
“Ianto...
“You're dead.” She didn't answer, merely gazed at him disconcertingly. “You aren't here,” he told the apparition. “You're just a figment of my imagination.”
“Ianto...”
He could feel tears building behind his eyes and willed them not to fall. “Why are you here?!”
“Forgive...”
Ianto dropped to his knees. “God, Lisa. Please...”
“Forgive yourself.”
The tears ran down his cheeks. “I tried, Lisa. I tried so hard...”
“Forgive,” she repeated.
Perhaps he was doomed to be haunted by the past until he accepted it and forgave himself for his failure.
“I'm sorry I couldn't save you,” Ianto told her. “I'm sorry I almost got the others killed, that two people died because of my love for you.” As the words came, he felt a lessening of the heaviness that had weighed him down. “I'm sorry that I want to live when you're dead. That I've moved on. That I... I'm with Jack now, and I'm happy.” He wiped his tears away with shaking fingers. “I'm sorry.”
He'd done his best, no matter how poorly that was. And he was still breathing, waking up every day, living and laughing and fucking. The scars would heal eventually, he knew that. And there was only one way to get rid of the guilt haunting him.
“I forgive myself,” he whispered.
With those words, Lisa's form began to fade away. Ianto wanted to call her back, tell her not to leave, but knew he couldn't.
“I'll always love you, Lisa,” he said as the last of the ghost vanished.
XXX
Ianto was dozing when Jack slid into bed next to him. He reached out, gathering the other man into his arms, shivering slightly when outdoors-chilled flesh came into contact with his warm skin.
“Missed me, did you?” Jack asked with a knowing smirk.
“Kept the bed warm,” Ianto told him, pulling the living body in his arms even closer.
He had forgiven but would never forget, and that was as it should be.
The end