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fandomweekly2021-12-12 11:00 am
[#119] Future Sounds (The Flash)
Title: Future Sounds
Fandom: The Flash
Rating/Warnings: T / Angst
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 976
Summary: Barry and Leonard hear their baby's heartbeat for the first time.
Leonard hasn’t even shut the door behind him yet when Barry calls out for him from the other room. He rushes over, half-expecting for something to be wrong. But when he finds him there, a big grin on his face, he breathes a sigh of relief.
“Come here,” Barry waves for him to come over to sit next to him. “Listen!”
He presses the phone to Leonard’s ear, the quality of the sound a nightmare, but still clear enough for him to hear the heartbeat.
“Listen, can you hear it?” Barry asks - that happy grin still on his face.
“Is that…?”
“Our baby’s heartbeat.” Barry nods. Leonard’s heart skipping a beat, even though he knew the answer as soon as he saw the look on his partner’s face. “We couldn’t come to Ali’s appointment, but she sent us a video.”
Leonard wishes he could be just as excited as Barry, but the sound of the baby’s heartbeat - the true realization that they are about to become parents in just a matter of months - fills him with dread and a panic he has never felt before in his life.
“Isn’t it amazing?” Barry asks, but it takes everything for Leonard to fake a smile - to hide the urge to grab the phone and smash it, if only to stop the sound. Not that he doesn’t want to hear that their baby is alive and healthy, but it is just too much. He has been through the most tense of situations and he was always the one to keep his head cool - to not let himself get overwhelmed. Yet this - this heartbeat - he just cannot handle.
As soon as Barry has turned his attention to telling his family about Ali’s scan, Leonard leaves the room. He storms out onto the balcony, hoping that the cold winter air will help him clear his head or put his emotions back in place. But that panicked feeling only grows bigger, until he finally feels like it is going to burst out of him.
“Len?”
Barry’s voice stops him from actually screaming out, but when he turns and he sees his partner standing there - his face still red with excitement - his instinct is still to run.
“What’s wrong?” Barry asks - knowing his partner well enough to recognize that he is far from excited right now. “Do you wish I’d waited with listening until you were home? I swear, if I had known what it was…”
“It’s fine,” Leonard quickly says, afraid that if Barry rambles on, he will actually start screaming anyway.
“Then what’s wrong? I told you, didn’t I? The scan went really well, and Ali said that the baby…”
“I can’t do this, Barry,” Leonard cuts him off.
“Are you tired? I can make you a coffee?”
“No, this!” His motions arounds them, at their apartment. “Us. The baby!”
For a moment Barry looks like he has been struck across the face, and any trace of excitement is gone by the time he tries to grab Leonard’s hand.
“You don’t mean that. I’m nervous too, but we can do this, Len.” He tries to show him a reassuring smile, but he can’t hide the fact that Leonard’s words have scared him.
“I can’t.” Leonard tells him again. “What do I know about being a dad?”
Barry knows that this is about Leonard’s childhood, and about his own father, and he wishes he could say something to make things better. But the pain of his childhood goes much deeper than Leonard would ever admit to, and there are no words that can fix what he has been through, or how it has affected him.
“You are going to be a great dad, Len.” Barry reassures him, as he grabs his face to look into his eyes. “We are going to do this together, and I promise you that you are nothing like him.”
Leonard grabs Barry’s hands, and without hesitation he removes them from his face - Barry’s words having done some to calm down the panic inside of him, but he’s still convinced that this - that settling down and starting a family was just not meant for him.
“I’m sure you are going to be a great dad, Barry. But I have to leave. I can’t…” As soon as Leonard tries to step back into the apartment, Barry places himself in front of him - the fear in his eyes now having turned into a look of anger.
“You’re not going anywhere, Leonard! I am scared too, but this is our kid. They need us!” he tells him - Leonard having seen this look on his face enough times before to know that this is serious and that there is no getting away from listening to him. “They need you, Len! I need you!”
Leonard opens his mouth to argue, but Barry doesn’t give him a chance to, because he takes his phone out of his pocket and he opens the video Ali sent them again. The heartbeat still makes Leonard’s head spin and his legs feel like they are about to give out, but this time he also envisions the two of them together, a baby in their arms - him and Barry in the park, their little boy running around on the playground.
“Listen,” Barry tries a final time, so close to tears by now that his voice is barely audible over the loud heartbeat. “I can’t do this without you, Len. Please…”
“And if I mess up?”
“You won’t.” Barry smiles through his tears. “You are going to be a brilliant dad. I promise.”
Leonard takes him into his arms, still far from convinced that he can do this. But as much as he is scared to stay and become a father, the thought of running away from Barry - from his family - and having to live life without them scares him even more.
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