fandomweekly | [#120] A Slight Problem (Torchwood)

Theme Prompt: #120 – Technical Difficulties
Title: A Slight Problem
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating/Warnings: PG
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 1000
Summary: Ianto falls foul of yet another piece of Rift-delivered alien technology, and Jack manages to make the situation worse. Where’s Tosh when they need her?

Alien technology was supposed to be far superior to anything yet developed on earth, but there were times Ianto couldn’t help having his doubts. Sure, alien tech was capable of doing things the people of earth would never have imagined in a million years, but honestly, even taking into account the overall… alienness of the average alien, after all the mishaps he’d endured over the years, he had to wonder whether aliens could be considered entirely sane. There seemed no logical reason, or none that a mere human could grasp, for many of the devices the Rift dropped in Torchwood’s laps. Maybe they were discards, failed experiments, ideas that didn’t pan out…

All of that was beside the point right now, however.

“Jack, what’s happening to me?”

“No need to panic, everything’s under control,” Jack replied, sounding a bit panicked himself. “We’re just experiencing some minor technical difficulties.”

“We? From where I’m standing, I’m the one doing the experiencing, and I don’t like it. In fact, I’d appreciate it if you’d make it stop!”

“I’m doing my best; I’ve just never come across one of these before!”

“You don’t know how to turn it off, do you?”

“Um, no, not exactly, but I called Tosh, and she said she’ll be here as soon as she can. In the meantime, all I can do is keep trying different combinations and hope for the best.”

Ianto didn’t like the sound of that! “Jack? I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Maybe you should just wait until Tosh gets here…”

“I’d think you’d want everything back to normal as soon as possible. Relax, I’m doing exactly what Tosh would in my place; it’ll save her time when she arrives. Figuring these things out is a process of elimination.”

“I know, but I’d just as soon not be accidentally eliminated, thank you.”

Jack wasn’t listening. “How about if I…” He reached for one of the dials on the device, which they could only assume was malfunctioning, and started to turn it.

“Not that one!” Ianto yelped, grabbing for a nearby fence post and somehow managing to pull himself out of the ground. It wasn’t that the ground was soft, a hard frost the night before had left it solid as a rock. It was more that parts of Ianto’s body were randomly becoming less substantial than they should be.

“Oops!” Jack turned the dial the other way and Ianto sighed with relief as his feet and legs regained their solidity, meaning he was able to stand again. Then his arm went through the fence post he was still clinging to, he fell over, and one arm sunk to the shoulder in the cold, frozen mud of the field where the Rift had deposited the device.

Rolling onto his back, Ianto pulled his arm out of the ground; it was barely visible, little more than a vaguely arm-shaped misty blur. He shuddered, partly from the cold and partly because the sensation of frozen soil passing through part of his anatomy was distinctly unpleasant.

“Jack!”

“Sorry about that.”

“I should think so.” Ianto stood up, careful to hold his arm well clear of everything, the rest of him included. He didn’t want to think what might happen if he got his arm somehow stuck inside his body, especially if it solidified like that.

“Okay, so that didn’t work. How about this?” Jack pressed a button, then looked at Ianto. “Oh, no, not that one.”

“What did you do?”

“It’s alright, it’s still there.”

“What’s still there?”

“Your head. I wouldn’t be able to hear you speak if it wasn’t, it’s just…” Jack moved closer, walking carefully around Ianto. “Ah, there you are! Not completely invisible then. Okay, let’s try something else.”

“I’d really rather you didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Look at me! D’you really need to ask? What if the next thing you touch turns me completely insubstantial and I sink all the way into the ground? Then what would you do? There’d be no way to dig me out without potentially sticking your digging tools through me, and if you succeeded in solidifying me while I was down there, I’d probably suffocate. You’ve been buried alive; you know how it feels. Would you really want to chance putting me through that?”

“Of course not!” Jack sounded hurt. “How can you even think that?”

“You don’t know what that device is or how it works, but you seem perfectly happy to keep experimenting on me, and now my head and arm as so insubstantial you can see right through me!” Ianto tried to take a step back and found he couldn’t move his feet. “Great. Now I’m practically pinned in place! Either my feet have frozen to the ground, or they’re about fifty times heavier than they should be. Thanks for that.”

Jack winced; Ianto wielded sarcasm to devastating effect. “I didn’t know this thing would do that!”

“Precisely! You didn’t know, but you went ahead and fiddled with it anyway! Just put it down and leave it alone until Tosh gets here before you do something that can’t be undone. For all you know, you already have!”

“I was only trying to help!”

“You’re trying, I’ll give you that.”

Jack pouted.

Ianto rolled his eyes. Not that Jack could see him. “Some things are best left to the experts, and when it comes to problems caused by alien technology, nobody’s better suited to finding a solution than Tosh.”

Torchwood’s tech expert arrived twenty minutes later, picking her way carefully across the frozen field.

“Ianto?”

“Still here, Tosh, more or less. I was better off before Jack started trying to fix things. Then it was only my left hand and ear you could see through.”

“Don’t worry, it sounds like a programming glitch. I just need to reset the device; that should fix everything.”

Once Ianto was himself again, he confronted his lover. “Next time I tell you not to touch something, maybe you’ll listen!”

“Yes, Ianto.”

The End