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fandomweekly2019-01-17 03:45 am
[#003] Some Other Guy You Knew Before
Title: Some Other Guy You Knew Before
Fandom: The Big Chill
Rating/Warnings: T
Bonus: Yes.
Word Count: 718
Summary: Michael's never been lucky in love, but he believes in it. Sam's beginning to understand the appeal of a good rationalization. This conversation was never going to end to anybody's satisfaction, but sometimes it helps just to say something, and sometimes it's enough for someone to listen, even if they don't understand the whole story.
“I don’t think people were meant to be monogamous, anyway.” Sam says, and it’s apropos of nothing. They’re sitting on the porch lingering a little, before they make their returns to the real world. They hadn’t been talking about non-monogamy, and whatever Sam might have gotten up to, it’s not like he’s got anyone to cheat on back home.
“I guess some people aren’t, I don’t know.”
“I mean, you’d go for whatever opportunity presented itself to you, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
Michael shrugs. “Sure, ha, now. But I don’t think we’re inherently prone to going around just having sex with anybody. I think, um, I think true love exists, and when you’re in it, you don’t get that itch.”
“No you don’t, you’re saying that because I said sleeping around is natural. Mikey the cynic is not arguing about true love to me. You spent this weekend trying as hard as anybody else to get your ashes hauled, pal--”
“No one expects me to be faithful.” He says. He and Annie have their thing. It wasn’t ever Love, not capital L Love, but they still see each other. She’s the one person he has in New York he could call for anything, and she could call him, even if they gave up on calling what they had couplehood.
“What I’m saying is, you don’t know what you’re talking about. A person can be in love and still stray, even have feelings for a second person, and… and it’s human nature.”
“It’s not real love, then, not if you’re cheating. It’s comfort, it’s routine, it’s liking someone or lusting after them and fooling yourself.”
“You’ve got a lot of grand ideas for a guy who’s never been in it.”
“I’ve been in love before.” Michael frowns, hunching in on himself. “It’s not an easy thing to get over.”
“Marriage is an institution, and I have no desire to be institutionalized.” Alex quipped. He was laid across Michael’s lap, on the sagging sofa, and Harold had thrown a pillow at him for his unwanted opinion.
“Well, I happen to believe in that institution. Even if it’s not fashionable. So boo.”
“Boo?” Alex laughed.
“One of you guys back me up here. You don’t want to get married someday?”
“If you’re asking, big fella.”
“Sam, come on.” Harold rolled his eyes. A sure sign he was serious about the subject, or he’d have played along, Michael thought.
“Sure, maybe. Who knows? If I like it I might do it three or four times.” Sam joked, and Nick just gave a non-committal shrug.
“I probably won’t.” Michael had said, toying with the front of Alex’ hair.
“Sure you will.” Alex, his eyes zeroed right in on Michael’s, like he could have seen straight through to his soul, and to all the things they never talked about. Like things they felt or the fact that it would all end with graduation. They never did let themselves cross certain lines, never let the lovely, fragile thing between them grow into something the real world might crush.
“Nah. I’m not that lucky.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“If you do it, I’ll do it. How’s that? You, uh, can’t tell me to do something you don’t, don’t believe in.”
“No. I guess I can’t.”
And they hadn’t talked about that, either, once the conversation moved on. Just another link in an endless chain of things not to acknowledge when they didn’t have their hands on each other.
“Bullshit. What happened to her, then, that you’re running around footloose and fancy free?”
“Died.” He shrugs again.
“Fuck, that’s grim. Michael, is there anyone in your life who hasn’t died on you?”
“You’re still here.” He dares a glance over to where Sam’s messing with his luggage, not quite inclined to go.
“Yeah.” Sam reaches over, squeezing his shoulder. “Come out to California sometime. Stay with me a couple days. Any time.”
“I will.” He stands when Sam does. “We ought to, we ought to get going, uh, before Sarah comes and chases us off her porch… We’ve already said all the, all the goodbyes I think there are.”
Sam pulls him into a hug this time, like he had before the funeral, the only one who had then. Michael clings to him.
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You never pull your punches with these guys!
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I cannot seem to help myself. Even when I write the happiest universe for them, it's at least touched by a lot of sadness, like... taking the deleted scenes into account, Michael is so defined by loss and abandonment? I love him so much.
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As always your writing is wonderful. I can't wait to chomp down on the second one once I'm done work!
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Thanks for sharing it.
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