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fandomweekly2019-01-25 03:26 am
[#004] Getting Away With It
Title: Getting Away With It
Fandom: The Big Chill
Rating/Warnings: G
Bonus: Yes.
Word Count: 896
Summary: Graduation is on the horizon. Before then, there are still a few chances for fun, games, and getting away with things.
I’m barely aware that we’ve won before a very solid weight hits me, and I catch myself until a second very solid weight joins in and the three of us hit the ground.
The problem is, once I’ve kissed Alex, I can’t not kiss Sam, because the three of us were a team, and Sam’s the first one to dogpile on top of me, and the fact that I sometimes kind of sort of kiss Alex isn’t really public information.
Only it is now, because I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him, the three of us were lying here in a heap laughing and I just, I did it. I did it.
It’s just…
It’s not about the game. It’s about the fact that graduation and the real world are just around the corner and maybe this is the last stupid game we play on this particular lawn, maybe we won’t have time to do this and even when we have time we’ll be in different cities mostly, and maybe we’d get together once a year if we can and do all kinds of dumb things together for a couple of days and then… not.
Winning is fine. In my limited experience with winning at these things, I like it, but it’s more…
It’s more that the future has been weighing on us so much the closer we get, and it’s so good to see him laugh, the past week and a half it’s felt so dark sometimes and that laugh is more of a victory than a lousy two points in one of those dumb games you play when you have enough people together and some loosely agreed-upon rules. And he’s so beautiful, not because he’s good-looking, but because of who he is, and I don’t know what I’ll do without him…
So with Sam half between us lying on the ground, I just did it. I kissed him. Full on the mouth, and at least there wasn’t any tongue or anything, it was half a second and we were both laughing, just…
I grab Sam and plant one on his cheek, and hope he doesn’t think to ask why I’d got Alex square on the mouth.
It’s just…
Alex is going back home after this, and he’ll be at his folks’ place a little while while he gets set up with a job, and… Well, of course I haven’t got that option. Not that I envy him that, not the… not the part where he’s staying with his parents, only the part where he has a hometown, and hate the neighborhood I grew up in. I hate being old enough to understand now the things I didn’t understand then, like being slowly ostracized from games with the neighborhood kids, and curtains drawn too tight, and nasty looks, and the last time I went home, the questions at their funeral, and fake sympathy and nosy assholes…
I’m going to New York, and I’m going to teach, and when I’m not teaching, I’m going to write, and someday I’ll just write, I’ll work for a paper and… and I’m not worried because I have a job lined up and there’s an apartment waiting, and I have money. If there was ever an emergency, selling my parents’ house means I’m set up okay, so if I ever had to freelance without having a steady job or flee the country or something I’d be fine, it’s not that, it’s just…
It’s just that I’ll really miss living with Alex and with everybody. I’ll really miss moments like this. And I’m afraid he will, too.
Sam leans over and kisses Alex’ cheek, still laughing, and Alex leans down and kisses me again, and it’s still fast, but his tongue swipes at my lip before he pulls away and I can see the gleam in his eye…
“What are the three of you doing?” Harold asks, but it’s with a laugh, not with any kind of disapproval.
“Come down here and find out, big boy.” Sam says. Harold hauls him up to his feet instead, lets Sam plant a Bugs Bunny-esque theatrical smacker on him, and then chases him around the lawn, gets Nick back up on his feet as well, Nick is the one who winds up tackling Sam back down…
The other guys who’d joined in, a group from the house next door, they’ve disappeared somewhere after the game. It’s just as well-- anyone who wasn’t around when Sam taught us stage kissing would think something funny was going on in our co-op. Well, something is, just… not with the other guys. Nick and Sam are usually competing over girls, and Harold… well, Harold is Harold, it’s kind of unthinkable.
“I can’t believe you used tongue.” I hiss, Alex still lying on top of me, still grinning.
“Yes you can. You just can’t believe we got away with it.”
I roll him onto his back, pinning him-- maybe only thanks to the element of surprise, but still.
“Yeah.” I steal a quick peck. Before now, I’ve never… not outside of sex, always been afraid what we had couldn’t… But now, with the end on the horizon, what’s to lose? With the heady rush of having kissed him in front of everyone and no one even blinking, what’s to lose? “Here’s to getting away with it.”
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Although in Michael's case, it's hard to say that after-college is better... but he's just kind of a sad boy. Like, some of them will move on to have really good things in life and some of them won't, and even afraid of the future being new/different, he's... ugh, he's too optimistic about some things and I love this boy.
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Thanks for sharing it.
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I have a lot of feelings about The Big Chill (and also it uses its soundtrack really well)
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Oh, this sounds entirely up my alley. Thanks for giving me something new to have too many emotions about! :D I'll be watching for any more you write about them.
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