[#081] Useful Idiot (Burn Notice/X-Files)

[brithistorian]

Theme Prompt: 081: Haunted House
Title: Useful Idiot
Fandom: Burn Notice/X-Files
Rating/Warnings: Gen.
Bonus: Yes.
Word Count: 690
Summary: Mulder might be able to solve Michael's problem - if Michael investigates a haunting.

Michael Westen (voiceover): When you're a spy, you have to be ready for anything. Sometimes, that means dealing with ghosts.

"I think I might be able to do something about getting you back in the game," Fox Mulder said.

"But there's a catch, isn't there?" Michael Westen responded.

"I need you to check out a location for me," Mulder replied.

"Here in Miami?"

Mulder nodded. "I'd do it myself, but I can't be two places at once."

"I don't think this needs to be checked out at all," Dana Scully said.

"Why not?" Michael asked.

"Because it's ridiculous. A haunted house? In Miami? In the 21st century?" Scully looked dismissive.

Westen raised his eyebrows. "You're really having me check out a haunted house?"

Mulder nodded. "It's the site of a class 5 free-roaming vapor."

"A what?" Michael asked.

"A non-repeating phantasm," Mulder explained.

"A ghost," Scully interjected.

"So let me see if I've got this right. If I go spend the night in this haunted house, you'll be able to do something about my burn notice?"

"I wouldn't say 'do something,'" Mulder said cautiously, "but I might be able to bring it to the attention of some people who could potentially do something."
---

"Some people who could potentially do something?" Fiona scoffed as she threw another camera in her tote bag.

"It's the best offer on tap right now," Michael said.

"Seriously, Michael, is this where we're at right now?" Sam asked between swallows of beer. "Investigating haunted houses? Next thing you know we'll be buying a big green van and a dog."

"If you want, Fiona and I could do this one without you," Michael said.

"Oh no," Sam said. "This one promises to supply me with funny stories for weeks! What's next on the agenda?"

Michael looked up from getting a yogurt out of the fridge. "Next I need you to pick me up some cell phones and a handful of laser pointers."

Sam looked dubvious. "You're not thinking of trying that gambit we pulled in London, are you?"

"It's the only way," Michael said with a shrug.

---
Michael Westen (voiceover): Sometimes, when you've eliminated all the other possibilities, a stupid plan is the only one you've got.

Michael set up the last laser pointer. "There,' he said. "Now if anything interrupts the laser, the cell phone will record a video."

"You're assuming that ghosts will interrupt a laser," Fiona pointed out.

"That's why I also put the feather switches in the middle of the hall - if the ghost doesn't block the laser, the moving air it stirs up will activate the phone."

"Now what?" Sam asked.

Michael tossed him a sleeping bag. "Now we split up and each go sleep in a diffferent bedroom."

"Wouldn't it be smarter-" Fiona started to say.

"Yes," Michael said. "That's why we're doing it this way - a stupid situation calls for a stupid plan."

"How does this Mulder fellow keep from getting burned?" Fiona asked as she gathered up her sleeping bag and pillow. "It seems like he should have been out on his ear years ago."

Michael shook his head. "Mulder's useful. Any preposterous case that no one else will touch, they give it to him."

---
Three in the morning found Sam, Michael, and Fiona in the front yard of the haunted house.

"Why didn't you tell me it was a banshee?" Fiona asked, hitting Michael with her hat.

"I didn't know," Michael said, fending her off.

"I thought you didn't believe in ghosts," Sam said.

"Ghosts, no," Fiona said, "but everyone in Ireland knows that banshees are real."

"We've got to go back in and retrieve the cameras," Michael said.

"Oh no," Sam said, "I'm not going back in there.

Michael looked at Fiona. "Don't look at me," she snapped, "I didn't stay alive this long by messing with banshees."

Michael looked at the house. The bone-chilling wail that had woken them up sounded again. He shivered. "I'll just tell Mulder we didn't see anything," he said.

"You think that'll be good enough?" Sam asked.

"It'll have to be," Michael replied. "I'm not going back in there."

Comments

[autobotscoutriella]

I've only seen about two episodes of both of these shows, and I would still read a thousand chapters of this crossover. This is great!

[brithistorian]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the comment! ^_^

[badly_knitted]

I'm only familiar with the X-Files, but I really enjoyed this! Banshee, yikes!

[brithistorian]

Glad you enjoyed it! ^_^