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fandomweekly2022-06-12 06:03 pm
mxcatmoon) wrote in fandomweekly2022-06-12 06:03 pm
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[#140] Forest for the Trees (Quantum Leap)
Theme Prompt: #140 Learning Lessons
Title: Forest for the Trees
Fandom: Quantum Leap
Rating/Warnings: G
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 986
Summary: Sam ponders whether a lesson is any less valid if we don't remember learning it, but his reasons for clinging to the memories may go deeper than he's letting on. Al and Verbena try to help. Sam/Al.
I used to wonder what it would be like to finally be home again, daydreaming late at night when I was alone in a stranger’s bed with the darkness creeping in, endless hours in someone else’s life. I imagined reuniting with friends and family, the pop of champagne corks as everyone celebrated, and being able to finally touch Al again. Hugging him, never wanting to let go. Sometimes it was so real I could even smell his cigar smoke.
When I finally did return home, it wasn’t anything like I’d dreamed. No champagne or happy reunions.
I barely managed to gather breath to call Al’s name when darkness rushed up to swallow me, and I felt myself falling.
XXX
When I opened my eyes again, I was on my back on a bed. The ceiling I was staring at could have been any ceiling until familiar voices filtered into my consciousness.
Al and Verbena were talking in tense whispers in the corner of the room. I lifted my head to look and groaned as a shard of pain sliced into my brain.
They were next to me instantly, and I got to feel Al’s hand in mine, so I held on as tightly as I could.
“How are you feeling, Sam?” Verbena asked gently.
“Headache,” I managed.
“We can give you something for that,” she assured, and as she slid a needle into my arm, the blessed relief washed over me. “Do you know where you are?”
I greedily stared at them in turn: Al’s pale, worried face, Verbena’s reassuring calm.
“I’m home.”
The second time I passed out, I’d been doing reports on the leaps and battling another headache, and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor with Al crouched over me. At first, we put it down to the trauma of leaping home, but instead of getting better, they became more frequent. Of course, I had my suspicions, but I kept them to myself. I didn’t want to be right.
XXX
The highlight of Verbena’s office was the enormous u-shaped couch. We would have sessions by sprawling comfortably against the overstuffed cushions. It was easier to feel like you were just shooting the breeze with a friend than the focus of a counseling session. She was sneaky that way. That’s what made her a good psychiatrist, and why I hired her.
After all the poking and prodding and every test imaginable, I could tell the results were in by the way Al sat there looking like he was in an electric chair rather than a plush sofa.
Yes, I know what that feels like from personal experience.
“We’ve been going over the results of all the tests we’ve taken over the past week,” Verbena began. It was never a good sign when she ignored pleasantries. “Ziggy has crunched all the data and come up with a hypothesis.” She glanced at Al. “And we are all in agreement.”
Ice formed in my stomach. Of course Ziggy knew; she was my creation.
Beeks continued. “You’re having the headaches and blackouts because you’ve been remembering all the timelines. The human mind wasn’t meant to process that kind of information. It’s overloading your synapses.”
“Al does!” I muttered petulantly, throwing him a defiant look.
“No, Sam,” he corrected. “Not the way you do. I remember facts, and not clearly. Mostly the original timeline and the current one.”
“So, it’ll get better as I acclimate,” I insisted stubbornly.
Al shook his head. “No. I’m sorry.”
“Why do you only agree with Ziggy when….” When it’s something I don’t want to hear.
“We can fix it,” Verbena reassured. “The team is working on a medication that will suppress the conflicting memories.”
“No!” I jumped to my feet. “No one is taking away my memories!”
“You can’t keep on like this; Ziggy says you’ll stroke out!” Al growled.
“Sam, sit down, please,” Verbena coaxed. “Tell us why this upsets you so much?”
“How could you not get it?! The things I’ve seen and done… all the lessons I’ve learned. You’ll be taking those away from me!”
“You’ve grown and learned by the things you’ve experienced; nothing will change that,” Verbena tried to assure.
“I won’t do it!”
XXX
The desert was black except for the millions of stars in the sky above, with no lights giving away the underground base below. I stared at them, trying to figure out another way. One where I didn’t have to give up my most precious memory.
I felt Al come up behind me. It was a sensation I’d missed when he was a hologram.
“Okay, Sam, time to talk to me. Why are you so dead set against taking the medication that will save your life?”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Gotta do better than that,” he informed in his no-nonsense tone.
And here it was, the moment that had been inevitable ever since my return. I’d never had a choice.
“I remember…” I admitted in a whisper. “The timeline where you and I were…together. Don’t take that away from me,” I pleaded.
“Your memories of the current timeline won’t be affected, just the dozen or so more obscure ones you created along the way.”
“Yeah, I know that, but I—wha—what?” I stammered, turning around to stare at him.
“You’ve been focusing so much on holding onto those minor ones; you’ve missed the obvious.”
“Obvious?”
Al grabbed me by the lapels and hauled me in for a kiss, and I forgot everything except the current moment.
“For a quantum physicist with seven degrees, you can be pretty dumb sometimes,” Al said when he finally let me up for air.
It looked like I still had a few lessons left to learn. I could let go of what I didn’t have because I had everything I wanted.
And finally, I could hear the sound of champagne corks popping.
I was home.
Title: Forest for the Trees
Fandom: Quantum Leap
Rating/Warnings: G
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 986
Summary: Sam ponders whether a lesson is any less valid if we don't remember learning it, but his reasons for clinging to the memories may go deeper than he's letting on. Al and Verbena try to help. Sam/Al.
I used to wonder what it would be like to finally be home again, daydreaming late at night when I was alone in a stranger’s bed with the darkness creeping in, endless hours in someone else’s life. I imagined reuniting with friends and family, the pop of champagne corks as everyone celebrated, and being able to finally touch Al again. Hugging him, never wanting to let go. Sometimes it was so real I could even smell his cigar smoke.
When I finally did return home, it wasn’t anything like I’d dreamed. No champagne or happy reunions.
I barely managed to gather breath to call Al’s name when darkness rushed up to swallow me, and I felt myself falling.
XXX
When I opened my eyes again, I was on my back on a bed. The ceiling I was staring at could have been any ceiling until familiar voices filtered into my consciousness.
Al and Verbena were talking in tense whispers in the corner of the room. I lifted my head to look and groaned as a shard of pain sliced into my brain.
They were next to me instantly, and I got to feel Al’s hand in mine, so I held on as tightly as I could.
“How are you feeling, Sam?” Verbena asked gently.
“Headache,” I managed.
“We can give you something for that,” she assured, and as she slid a needle into my arm, the blessed relief washed over me. “Do you know where you are?”
I greedily stared at them in turn: Al’s pale, worried face, Verbena’s reassuring calm.
“I’m home.”
The second time I passed out, I’d been doing reports on the leaps and battling another headache, and the next thing I knew, I was on the floor with Al crouched over me. At first, we put it down to the trauma of leaping home, but instead of getting better, they became more frequent. Of course, I had my suspicions, but I kept them to myself. I didn’t want to be right.
XXX
The highlight of Verbena’s office was the enormous u-shaped couch. We would have sessions by sprawling comfortably against the overstuffed cushions. It was easier to feel like you were just shooting the breeze with a friend than the focus of a counseling session. She was sneaky that way. That’s what made her a good psychiatrist, and why I hired her.
After all the poking and prodding and every test imaginable, I could tell the results were in by the way Al sat there looking like he was in an electric chair rather than a plush sofa.
Yes, I know what that feels like from personal experience.
“We’ve been going over the results of all the tests we’ve taken over the past week,” Verbena began. It was never a good sign when she ignored pleasantries. “Ziggy has crunched all the data and come up with a hypothesis.” She glanced at Al. “And we are all in agreement.”
Ice formed in my stomach. Of course Ziggy knew; she was my creation.
Beeks continued. “You’re having the headaches and blackouts because you’ve been remembering all the timelines. The human mind wasn’t meant to process that kind of information. It’s overloading your synapses.”
“Al does!” I muttered petulantly, throwing him a defiant look.
“No, Sam,” he corrected. “Not the way you do. I remember facts, and not clearly. Mostly the original timeline and the current one.”
“So, it’ll get better as I acclimate,” I insisted stubbornly.
Al shook his head. “No. I’m sorry.”
“Why do you only agree with Ziggy when….” When it’s something I don’t want to hear.
“We can fix it,” Verbena reassured. “The team is working on a medication that will suppress the conflicting memories.”
“No!” I jumped to my feet. “No one is taking away my memories!”
“You can’t keep on like this; Ziggy says you’ll stroke out!” Al growled.
“Sam, sit down, please,” Verbena coaxed. “Tell us why this upsets you so much?”
“How could you not get it?! The things I’ve seen and done… all the lessons I’ve learned. You’ll be taking those away from me!”
“You’ve grown and learned by the things you’ve experienced; nothing will change that,” Verbena tried to assure.
“I won’t do it!”
XXX
The desert was black except for the millions of stars in the sky above, with no lights giving away the underground base below. I stared at them, trying to figure out another way. One where I didn’t have to give up my most precious memory.
I felt Al come up behind me. It was a sensation I’d missed when he was a hologram.
“Okay, Sam, time to talk to me. Why are you so dead set against taking the medication that will save your life?”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Gotta do better than that,” he informed in his no-nonsense tone.
And here it was, the moment that had been inevitable ever since my return. I’d never had a choice.
“I remember…” I admitted in a whisper. “The timeline where you and I were…together. Don’t take that away from me,” I pleaded.
“Your memories of the current timeline won’t be affected, just the dozen or so more obscure ones you created along the way.”
“Yeah, I know that, but I—wha—what?” I stammered, turning around to stare at him.
“You’ve been focusing so much on holding onto those minor ones; you’ve missed the obvious.”
“Obvious?”
Al grabbed me by the lapels and hauled me in for a kiss, and I forgot everything except the current moment.
“For a quantum physicist with seven degrees, you can be pretty dumb sometimes,” Al said when he finally let me up for air.
It looked like I still had a few lessons left to learn. I could let go of what I didn’t have because I had everything I wanted.
And finally, I could hear the sound of champagne corks popping.
I was home.
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