peaceful_sands: Hawkeye firing with name (Hawkeye firing with name)
peaceful_sands ([personal profile] peaceful_sands) wrote in [community profile] fandomweekly2016-02-04 11:59 pm

[#001] Start Over and Over Again (Avengers MCU)

Theme Prompt: #001 New Beginnings
Title: Start Over and Over Again
Fandom: Avengers MCU
Rating/Warnings: (Language, violence, mature content, spoilers?) Teen, reference to Avengers Assemble and Captain America : Winter Soldier
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 990
Summary: Clint's been starting over for a while with Steve but he's not sure how much longer he can keeping doing it.

Notes: There is the pairing of Clint/Steve


Start Over and Over Again

It happened on the first of the month. Clint was by then well practised at new beginnings. Like it or not he’d had enough of them in his life – orphanage, circus, mercenary, SHIELD and all of those before Loki. Since Loki, new beginnings took on a life of their own. He’d been rebuilding his life, his place, his trust in the months after escaping from Loki’s control and it hadn’t been easy. He’d had to start over and over again, but there had been Natasha and Fury, even if he’d been without Coulson.

Then there had been Steve. Well, Steve had been there through most of the post-Loki days, but it had taken a while for them to become really close and from there to becoming ‘serious’. It wasn’t like that had been an easy transition to make – two into one – but not, not really. It was debatable which of them was actually the worst when it came to relationships, but at least they’d kept it quiet and been discreet.

Clint can only imagine in his nightmares how bad that would have been for him when the Triskelion debacle went down, if anyone had known about the two of them. He’d had to laugh later, when Steve had told him about Natasha’s attempts to set him up with someone and her questions about whether he’d kissed anyone since the Forties.

Anyway, with Clint laid up at the time recovering from an injury, out of action and hidden away, with Hydra trying to track down anyone associated with the good side of SHIELD and in particular Captain America, it was fortunate that no one else had realised the connection between them. Clint figured he’d been injured enough already, without the inevitable extras that would have ensued from an actual meeting with Hydra at that point.

Things had been harder after that. For a while Clint had thought he was watching the end of their decent start, looking on as everything they’d been working on crumbled away to dust, but fortunately Steve turned out to be more stubborn than that. A whole lot more stubborn than that, thankfully.

To be fair, it wasn’t Clint who’d been the one acting badly, that had all been Steve with his own emotions roiling, his mind filled with betrayal and Bucky raging like a desert sandstorm – hard bitter lashes of stinging grit that crept in under all defences. But then he’d apologized and they’d been able to start over . . . again and again, until it finally felt like they were really going to make it and have a chance at making things work.

And then this . . .

Clint had taken down the calendar on the wall to change the month while he waited for the pan on the stove to heat. Steve was coming down the stairs just as Clint was re-hanging it. The look on Steve’s face then will stay with him, the fond affection, he wanted to call it love but he can’t be absolutely sure, the way his smile shone on Clint, the way he’d been moving as if to come and catch Clint in an embrace and it all stopped, sharp and sudden, a harsh grind as it all broke to pieces with the ring of a phone and Steve stopping short, before he’d even crossed the kitchen, to answer it.

“Sam?” Clint knew he should have recognized the ring tone, ought to have known it was someone important, but he hadn’t been prepared for seeing Steve’s face pale and his smile drop away like it hadn’t ever been there. He’d stepped away from the kitchen, heading directly for Steve, only to find himself pushed away. “I’m on my way,” was like a final nail in the coffin. Clint hadn’t needed to hear what Sam had said, he knew.

Steve was going to be starting over again, this time with Bucky. Except Clint wasn’t sure that was true. That day, Steve had left, distant and distracted, but he’d checked in regularly since and while he told Clint little of what he’d been doing, he’d given reassurance that he was coming back, that he did at least care, not the L word, but Clint hadn’t been expecting that anyway and so for almost a month, Clint had been hanging on unsure, unclear whether he was facing another fresh start, another new beginning. Until two days ago, when Steve had called and said he was coming home and everything was fine and he couldn’t wait to get back.

Clint had cleaned and shopped and cleaned some more and anxiously, oh so anxiously, waited, waited for today, the day when Steve was coming home and everything would be all right again, but now . . .

Now with another turn of the calendar’s pages, Clint is waiting for the end. He’s empty, chilled to the core and he feels like an ice sculpture about to shatter. There’s a part of him that thinks he should have packed a bag and left after Sam’s call a couple of hours ago, but he couldn’t and he’s not even sure why. Is there more dignity in staying to the very end or in escaping and avoiding the final public confrontation?

It’s too late now. He can hear Steve’s key in the lock. He takes one final deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment, holds and locks in his heart one final moment of him and Steve. Then he opens his eyes, stands and waits as the door finally swings open and Steve steps into the apartment. “Clint!”

Clint’s gaze is steady, but he can’t bring himself to smile or frown, anything that might alter the fall of the dice.

“I’m so glad you’re here now. I wanted you to meet my best friend, Bucky and I wanted him to meet my best guy.”

Finally Clint can breathe and smile.