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fandomweekly2024-01-29 11:20 am
yoshishisha) wrote in fandomweekly2024-01-29 11:20 am
Entry tags:
[#207] Limits of the Self (Bleach X Katekyou Hitman Reborn)
Theme Prompt: #207 – Jealousy
Title: Limits of the Self
Fandom: Bleach, Katekyou Hitman Reborn
Rating/Warnings: PG
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 756
Summary: Verde looks at Urahara, and ponders the limits of his current self
There's a weight in his chest that feels a lot like self-destruction. Verde isn't one to dwell on regrets, or even on unattainable possibilities. He's learned early enough that wishful thinking is useless at best and dangerous at worst. That is, unless one has the skills to back it up with tangible action, which Verde has strived to achieve.
Verde has always been aware of his limitations and how to lessen their impact on him. So no. Regret and jealousy are emotions Verde has deliberately worked to be unfamiliar with.
And yet...
He watches Urahara Kisuke with a wholly alien fire burning in his chest that feels like he's seconds away from self-combusting. The man is focused on his work as usual, yet Verde knows whatever speck of attention that isn’t currently focused on his project hasn’t lost track of Verde since he’s reached Urahara’s sensing range.
Verde knows what he now lacks, is wholly aware of just how limiting his body has come to be. It is not at all the size that bothers him, for his brain is still intact and whatever reach his limbs have lost can be compensated for with the use of tools. No, it is mostly his lack of control in regulating the use of his flames due to this blasted pacifier that drives him mad when he dwells on it.
He watches Urahara wield his spiritual energy with an ease borne both of innate talent and relentless intricate work, and remembers when he used to be able to do the same. Urahara lets his energy shine green, the same shade as Verde’s flames, and Verde lets them rise to meld with the unknown energy, life and death winding together in a deadly shade of green.
Summoning his flames is still as easy as breathing for Verde, but he knows he has lost the control to perform his most intricate experiments with the advent of the curse, and it galls at him to know himself to be lesser when he used to be equal. He can no longer do everything he used to be able to do and is far too aware of the ways he is now less than before.
Verde extinguishes his flames when he sees Cayman approach him from the corner of his eye, and that is another point that emphasizes his current state. The creature used to never come unless it was summoned by a deliberate call of Verde’s flame, one the scientist had controlled to be the same dull shade of green as the crocodilian. Yet there it is once again, summoned by an unconscious flare of flames due to Verde’s cursed emotional state. Even petting the animal doesn’t help regulate himself, and he tries to focus by returning his attention to his colleague’s experiment.
It is still as thrilling as it is maddening to watch the other at work. He sees in Urahara everything he was and could ever be, a fellow scientist who doesn't stop at what the world tells him limits should be. He sees Urahara, and his art, and jealousy burns like it's attempting to destroy him, because this had been him, could still be him if he had access to all of his abilities. They could be beautiful, the two of them. Worthy rivals and teammates all at once, and the fact that this can't happen now is infuriating.
"Did you ever manage to get past your living subjects' willfulness when attempting to control them?"
Verde is pulled out of his thoughts by Urahara's distracted voice. He doesn't trust the nonchalance in the tone though. It is far too likely that Urahara has guessed the turn of his thoughts and decided to distract him with science.
Still, Urahara doesn't ask useless questions, so Verde at least knows he isn't being pandered to, which is scant consolation. He hovers closer, noting the glint of interest in Urahara's eyes at the usual sight of his flame use. Another thing to soften the jealousy in his chest, Verde guesses. It almost makes up for the fact that he can feel part of his flames going into the pacifier to further imprison him in the prison that is his own body.
He takes the invitation for what it is and moves to explain. Who knows, maybe with time he'll be able to be better than he was. Maybe one day, he won’t be burning green with envy at the reminder of what he used to be.
Title: Limits of the Self
Fandom: Bleach, Katekyou Hitman Reborn
Rating/Warnings: PG
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 756
Summary: Verde looks at Urahara, and ponders the limits of his current self
There's a weight in his chest that feels a lot like self-destruction. Verde isn't one to dwell on regrets, or even on unattainable possibilities. He's learned early enough that wishful thinking is useless at best and dangerous at worst. That is, unless one has the skills to back it up with tangible action, which Verde has strived to achieve.
Verde has always been aware of his limitations and how to lessen their impact on him. So no. Regret and jealousy are emotions Verde has deliberately worked to be unfamiliar with.
And yet...
He watches Urahara Kisuke with a wholly alien fire burning in his chest that feels like he's seconds away from self-combusting. The man is focused on his work as usual, yet Verde knows whatever speck of attention that isn’t currently focused on his project hasn’t lost track of Verde since he’s reached Urahara’s sensing range.
Verde knows what he now lacks, is wholly aware of just how limiting his body has come to be. It is not at all the size that bothers him, for his brain is still intact and whatever reach his limbs have lost can be compensated for with the use of tools. No, it is mostly his lack of control in regulating the use of his flames due to this blasted pacifier that drives him mad when he dwells on it.
He watches Urahara wield his spiritual energy with an ease borne both of innate talent and relentless intricate work, and remembers when he used to be able to do the same. Urahara lets his energy shine green, the same shade as Verde’s flames, and Verde lets them rise to meld with the unknown energy, life and death winding together in a deadly shade of green.
Summoning his flames is still as easy as breathing for Verde, but he knows he has lost the control to perform his most intricate experiments with the advent of the curse, and it galls at him to know himself to be lesser when he used to be equal. He can no longer do everything he used to be able to do and is far too aware of the ways he is now less than before.
Verde extinguishes his flames when he sees Cayman approach him from the corner of his eye, and that is another point that emphasizes his current state. The creature used to never come unless it was summoned by a deliberate call of Verde’s flame, one the scientist had controlled to be the same dull shade of green as the crocodilian. Yet there it is once again, summoned by an unconscious flare of flames due to Verde’s cursed emotional state. Even petting the animal doesn’t help regulate himself, and he tries to focus by returning his attention to his colleague’s experiment.
It is still as thrilling as it is maddening to watch the other at work. He sees in Urahara everything he was and could ever be, a fellow scientist who doesn't stop at what the world tells him limits should be. He sees Urahara, and his art, and jealousy burns like it's attempting to destroy him, because this had been him, could still be him if he had access to all of his abilities. They could be beautiful, the two of them. Worthy rivals and teammates all at once, and the fact that this can't happen now is infuriating.
"Did you ever manage to get past your living subjects' willfulness when attempting to control them?"
Verde is pulled out of his thoughts by Urahara's distracted voice. He doesn't trust the nonchalance in the tone though. It is far too likely that Urahara has guessed the turn of his thoughts and decided to distract him with science.
Still, Urahara doesn't ask useless questions, so Verde at least knows he isn't being pandered to, which is scant consolation. He hovers closer, noting the glint of interest in Urahara's eyes at the usual sight of his flame use. Another thing to soften the jealousy in his chest, Verde guesses. It almost makes up for the fact that he can feel part of his flames going into the pacifier to further imprison him in the prison that is his own body.
He takes the invitation for what it is and moves to explain. Who knows, maybe with time he'll be able to be better than he was. Maybe one day, he won’t be burning green with envy at the reminder of what he used to be.
no subject