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fandomweekly2024-09-20 01:37 pm
badly_knitted) wrote in fandomweekly2024-09-20 01:37 pm
Entry tags:
[#234] Someone To Hold On To (Torchwood)
Theme Prompt: #234 – Comfort
Title: Someone To Hold On To
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating/Warnings: PG
Bonus: Yes.
Word Count: 1000
Summary: If the aftermath of Adrift, Jack seeks out Ianto down in the archives to apologise, and to ask a favour.
“What’s this?” Ianto frowns at the steaming mug as it’s set down on what is currently the only clear spot of his desk, deep in the archives.
“Call it a peace offering. Don’t worry, it’s not coffee, I didn’t touch your machine. It probably would’ve bitten me if I’d tried.” Jack moved a box off the only other seat in the room, pulling the battered wooden chair closer to the desk and sitting down, cradling his own mug. “It’s hot chocolate. I might not be qualified for coffee making, but I can brew a hot chocolate to die for. Not that I want you to die, because I don’t, not ever. Maybe it should be to live for.” Jack shuts up suddenly, realising he’s starting to babble.
“Peace offering,” Ianto repeats, as if he hasn’t heard anything that came after those two words. “Why?”
“Because sometimes I can be an idiot?”
“Only sometimes?” Ianto almost smiles, but it doesn’t quite get there. He looks tired, worn down from… Well, everything. The last few weeks have been rough. First Gwen’s wedding and unexpected alien pregnancy, then the whole Night Travellers affair, and Ianto had barely begun to reconcile himself to those events before the mess with Gwen and Flat Holm had hit like an avalanche.
“I… haven’t handled things too well recently.” If Jack’s honest, with himself and with Ianto, which he really ought to be, he hasn’t been handling the burden of leadership well since he came back from the year he spent aboard the Valiant, something he really wishes he could simply forget about. “I should have listened to you in the first place, and I shouldn’t have been mad at you for doing what I couldn’t face doing. Maybe if I’d come clean with Gwen and the rest of the team from the start, the situation wouldn’t have escalated. It wasn’t fair of me to push responsibility for the tough decisions onto you.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Ianto agrees, rubbing his eyes wearily and reaching for his mug, breathing in the rich aroma of the hot chocolate exactly the way he did with a good cup of coffee. “It shouldn’t be my job, but I already do everything around here that no one else wants to take responsibility for, and since I was the only person, other than yourself, who knew about Flat Holm…” He trails off with a heavy sigh. “I just didn’t expect things to blow up so spectacularly. I thought once Gwen saw that you were doing everything possible for the Rift victims, she’d understand why you’d kept things quiet. I underestimated her determination to fix everything, even the things that can’t be fixed.”
“You wouldn’t have had to do what you did if I’d done my job properly in the first place.” Jack sips distractedly at his hot chocolate, cool enough now to drink without burning his mouth. “I’ve let Gwen get away with too much since she joined the team. I should have set firm boundaries from the start, but she was such a breath of fresh air and optimism, I didn’t want to dent that, and I thought maybe she might be right about the way we do things, at least some of the time. Maybe there ARE better ways, but we’re just so bogged down in policy and procedure from decades ago that we seldom think to question whether we should try a different approach.”
“Gwen’s approach didn’t make anything better this time,” Ianto points out. “I had to Retcon Nikki.”
“I shouldn’t have made you do that.” Jack stares guiltily into his mug. “Should have done it myself, but…”
“You were angry. You wanted to punish me for going behind your back.”
“I suppose I was, but it was still wrong of me.”
“I’m not sure it was. I talked to Nikki, explained everything. She wanted the Retcon, wanted to regain the shred of hope she’d had before she found out the truth, and let it fade away naturally, instead of having to remember her son screaming for hour after hour. At least Jonah got a kind of closure, seeing his mum one last time before his heart gave out. He can rest in peace.”
“He might’ve lived longer if Gwen hadn’t taken Nikki to see him.”
“Perhaps, but would that have been better for him, to continue on as he was, for who knows how long? Maybe Gwen did help, in a round-about way. Jonah’s suffering is over.”
Jack nods slowly. “Perhaps.” He closes his eyes, remembering even though he doesn’t want to. “Such an awful sound.” Shuddering, he sets his mug down, his shoulders hunching, like he’s folding in on himself. Abandoning his own drink, Ianto comes around his desk to wrap both arms around his lover.
“I know.” Sometimes he wonders how the people who work on Flat holm endure it.
“Stay with me tonight? Please? I don’t want to be alone.”
“Of course.” Ianto wasn’t looking forward to going home alone tonight anyway, that’s why he’s still here. He’d been hoping he could lose himself in his work and that Jack might forget about him, but honestly, he’s glad that’s not the case. “Come on.” He straightens up, drains the last of the hot chocolate from his mug, and picks up Jack’s. “It’s late. We should get to bed.”
“Thank you.” Jack lets Ianto pull him to his feet.
A little while later, down in Jack’s cramped bunker beneath his office, he and Ianto crawl into the camp bed that’s really too small for two six-foot-tall men. Their arms wrapped tightly around each other, they cling together as they have so often in the past, drawing comfort and consolation from the solidity of another warm and familiar human body, but Jack can’t still stop shaking.
They don’t talk, there’s nothing they can say that would help anyway. It’s enough that they’re there for each other, to chase the nightmares away, and to hopefully, eventually, bring peaceful sleep.
The End
“Call it a peace offering. Don’t worry, it’s not coffee, I didn’t touch your machine. It probably would’ve bitten me if I’d tried.” Jack moved a box off the only other seat in the room, pulling the battered wooden chair closer to the desk and sitting down, cradling his own mug. “It’s hot chocolate. I might not be qualified for coffee making, but I can brew a hot chocolate to die for. Not that I want you to die, because I don’t, not ever. Maybe it should be to live for.” Jack shuts up suddenly, realising he’s starting to babble.
“Peace offering,” Ianto repeats, as if he hasn’t heard anything that came after those two words. “Why?”
“Because sometimes I can be an idiot?”
“Only sometimes?” Ianto almost smiles, but it doesn’t quite get there. He looks tired, worn down from… Well, everything. The last few weeks have been rough. First Gwen’s wedding and unexpected alien pregnancy, then the whole Night Travellers affair, and Ianto had barely begun to reconcile himself to those events before the mess with Gwen and Flat Holm had hit like an avalanche.
“I… haven’t handled things too well recently.” If Jack’s honest, with himself and with Ianto, which he really ought to be, he hasn’t been handling the burden of leadership well since he came back from the year he spent aboard the Valiant, something he really wishes he could simply forget about. “I should have listened to you in the first place, and I shouldn’t have been mad at you for doing what I couldn’t face doing. Maybe if I’d come clean with Gwen and the rest of the team from the start, the situation wouldn’t have escalated. It wasn’t fair of me to push responsibility for the tough decisions onto you.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Ianto agrees, rubbing his eyes wearily and reaching for his mug, breathing in the rich aroma of the hot chocolate exactly the way he did with a good cup of coffee. “It shouldn’t be my job, but I already do everything around here that no one else wants to take responsibility for, and since I was the only person, other than yourself, who knew about Flat Holm…” He trails off with a heavy sigh. “I just didn’t expect things to blow up so spectacularly. I thought once Gwen saw that you were doing everything possible for the Rift victims, she’d understand why you’d kept things quiet. I underestimated her determination to fix everything, even the things that can’t be fixed.”
“You wouldn’t have had to do what you did if I’d done my job properly in the first place.” Jack sips distractedly at his hot chocolate, cool enough now to drink without burning his mouth. “I’ve let Gwen get away with too much since she joined the team. I should have set firm boundaries from the start, but she was such a breath of fresh air and optimism, I didn’t want to dent that, and I thought maybe she might be right about the way we do things, at least some of the time. Maybe there ARE better ways, but we’re just so bogged down in policy and procedure from decades ago that we seldom think to question whether we should try a different approach.”
“Gwen’s approach didn’t make anything better this time,” Ianto points out. “I had to Retcon Nikki.”
“I shouldn’t have made you do that.” Jack stares guiltily into his mug. “Should have done it myself, but…”
“You were angry. You wanted to punish me for going behind your back.”
“I suppose I was, but it was still wrong of me.”
“I’m not sure it was. I talked to Nikki, explained everything. She wanted the Retcon, wanted to regain the shred of hope she’d had before she found out the truth, and let it fade away naturally, instead of having to remember her son screaming for hour after hour. At least Jonah got a kind of closure, seeing his mum one last time before his heart gave out. He can rest in peace.”
“He might’ve lived longer if Gwen hadn’t taken Nikki to see him.”
“Perhaps, but would that have been better for him, to continue on as he was, for who knows how long? Maybe Gwen did help, in a round-about way. Jonah’s suffering is over.”
Jack nods slowly. “Perhaps.” He closes his eyes, remembering even though he doesn’t want to. “Such an awful sound.” Shuddering, he sets his mug down, his shoulders hunching, like he’s folding in on himself. Abandoning his own drink, Ianto comes around his desk to wrap both arms around his lover.
“I know.” Sometimes he wonders how the people who work on Flat holm endure it.
“Stay with me tonight? Please? I don’t want to be alone.”
“Of course.” Ianto wasn’t looking forward to going home alone tonight anyway, that’s why he’s still here. He’d been hoping he could lose himself in his work and that Jack might forget about him, but honestly, he’s glad that’s not the case. “Come on.” He straightens up, drains the last of the hot chocolate from his mug, and picks up Jack’s. “It’s late. We should get to bed.”
“Thank you.” Jack lets Ianto pull him to his feet.
A little while later, down in Jack’s cramped bunker beneath his office, he and Ianto crawl into the camp bed that’s really too small for two six-foot-tall men. Their arms wrapped tightly around each other, they cling together as they have so often in the past, drawing comfort and consolation from the solidity of another warm and familiar human body, but Jack can’t still stop shaking.
They don’t talk, there’s nothing they can say that would help anyway. It’s enough that they’re there for each other, to chase the nightmares away, and to hopefully, eventually, bring peaceful sleep.
The End
no subject
...Man I gotta catch up on Torchwood though. This characterization sure is tempting me, heh. Good fic!
no subject
More Torchwood fic would be welcome!