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fandomweekly2016-06-26 09:26 pm
rivulet027) wrote in fandomweekly2016-06-26 09:26 pm
Entry tags:
#18 Choice (MCU, Captain America: Civil War)
Theme Prompt: Law and Order
Title: Choice
Fandom: MCU, Captain America Civil War
Rating/Warning: Bucky being turned into the Winter Solider again.
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 530
Summary: Bucky doesn’t want to be a puppet again, doesn’t want to be turned into a weapon again. He doesn’t get a choice.
He’s locked up. He can barely move. He’s fighting down the panic that he’ll become a puppet again, a weapon. The Asset. The Winter Solider. They’re saying he killed people he didn’t kill. No one’s asked him. He’s guilty via his past of someone else pulling his strings and pointing. Maybe this is what he deserves. Shouldn’t a man who’s committed crimes of his magnitude be locked up? Does he even deserve a trial? He remembers. He doesn’t always remember names, but missions he’s good at. He remembers his missions, sometimes there are even faces. They haunt him. He wakes up panting and screaming. There are small little things that will remind him during the day. For brief moments he worries his mind isn’t his own anymore.
Will anyone care that it wasn’t his choice? Does that matter? He wants to think it matters.
He wishes for…has it been a year? He wants to go back to playing cat and mouse games with Sam. He’ll leave clues, Sam will follow and he’ll stay just enough away that Sam doesn’t pull him too close. He’s slow to trust, but he knows Sam wouldn’t willingly hand him over to be wiped again. Or one of the few times they talked, Sam trying to get him to accept that he has a home to go to if he’d just take a chance on them, trust Steve. He’s still not sure how to explain that Steve is too sharp, all the pieces of himself that he’s lost coming into sharp focus when Steve’s near. All the pieces of himself he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to patch back into the man he was seem just that more in reach and just that more impossible when Steve is near. He’s not sure he even deserves it; Steve’s unwavering concern for him.
Isn’t he supposed to be the one looking out for Steve? That seems ingrained, a deep part of himself they couldn’t quite take, even when they tried, even when he didn’t remember it was there.
He doesn’t want another mission. He doesn’t want to be locked up.
He shouldn’t have gone back for his things. He should’ve ran when he saw the news. He should’ve just kept moving. Was it weak of him to want to go back for his things? To not want start moving again without supplies? It’s clearly a mistake because now he’s locked up and he’s possibly dragged Steve into his trouble.
No one cares that the crime they think he committed weren’t done at his hand.
The man they send to question him seeks to control. His panic rises. He should’ve kept moving. Physical restraints are bad enough, but trapping him in his own mind and sending him on a mission is worse. He doesn’t want this. He fights it, drowning slowly in the sink of words meant to control. He is not a weapon. He doesn’t want to be a weapon, a puppet. He doesn’t want…
Don’t make him hurt Steve, please don’t make him hurt Steve. Or Sam. Or Steve’s teammates. Don’t make him hurt anyone. He’s killed too many already.
He wants to never…never…
Mission?
Title: Choice
Fandom: MCU, Captain America Civil War
Rating/Warning: Bucky being turned into the Winter Solider again.
Bonus: Yes
Word Count: 530
Summary: Bucky doesn’t want to be a puppet again, doesn’t want to be turned into a weapon again. He doesn’t get a choice.
He’s locked up. He can barely move. He’s fighting down the panic that he’ll become a puppet again, a weapon. The Asset. The Winter Solider. They’re saying he killed people he didn’t kill. No one’s asked him. He’s guilty via his past of someone else pulling his strings and pointing. Maybe this is what he deserves. Shouldn’t a man who’s committed crimes of his magnitude be locked up? Does he even deserve a trial? He remembers. He doesn’t always remember names, but missions he’s good at. He remembers his missions, sometimes there are even faces. They haunt him. He wakes up panting and screaming. There are small little things that will remind him during the day. For brief moments he worries his mind isn’t his own anymore.
Will anyone care that it wasn’t his choice? Does that matter? He wants to think it matters.
He wishes for…has it been a year? He wants to go back to playing cat and mouse games with Sam. He’ll leave clues, Sam will follow and he’ll stay just enough away that Sam doesn’t pull him too close. He’s slow to trust, but he knows Sam wouldn’t willingly hand him over to be wiped again. Or one of the few times they talked, Sam trying to get him to accept that he has a home to go to if he’d just take a chance on them, trust Steve. He’s still not sure how to explain that Steve is too sharp, all the pieces of himself that he’s lost coming into sharp focus when Steve’s near. All the pieces of himself he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to patch back into the man he was seem just that more in reach and just that more impossible when Steve is near. He’s not sure he even deserves it; Steve’s unwavering concern for him.
Isn’t he supposed to be the one looking out for Steve? That seems ingrained, a deep part of himself they couldn’t quite take, even when they tried, even when he didn’t remember it was there.
He doesn’t want another mission. He doesn’t want to be locked up.
He shouldn’t have gone back for his things. He should’ve ran when he saw the news. He should’ve just kept moving. Was it weak of him to want to go back for his things? To not want start moving again without supplies? It’s clearly a mistake because now he’s locked up and he’s possibly dragged Steve into his trouble.
No one cares that the crime they think he committed weren’t done at his hand.
The man they send to question him seeks to control. His panic rises. He should’ve kept moving. Physical restraints are bad enough, but trapping him in his own mind and sending him on a mission is worse. He doesn’t want this. He fights it, drowning slowly in the sink of words meant to control. He is not a weapon. He doesn’t want to be a weapon, a puppet. He doesn’t want…
Don’t make him hurt Steve, please don’t make him hurt Steve. Or Sam. Or Steve’s teammates. Don’t make him hurt anyone. He’s killed too many already.
He wants to never…never…
Mission?
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