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fandomweekly2025-09-01 08:49 pm
a_little_apocalypse) wrote in fandomweekly2025-09-01 08:49 pm
Entry tags:
[#271] From One Moment To The Next (Control)
Theme Prompt: #271 - In The Nick Of Time
Title: From One Moment To The Next
Fandom: Control
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 | Spoilers
Bonus: No
Word Count: 986
Summary: Both Trench and Darling wonder if there was a moment in which there could have been a different outcome.
It didn't help to wonder, Trench knew, but he found himself wondering regardless: was there a single moment before which all of this could have been prevented?
The threads of that, he knows, wind back far into the past. There are the superficial things he can blame others for, but he thinks of his own actions, and he thinks of Susanna - because he never stopped - and he knows, firm and unshakable, that there is nobody else to blame but himself. The ventures into the slidescape, the Faden children and the events at Ordinary, the Prime Candidate program, the act of becoming Director in the first place - Trench wonders, now, what shape his life might have taken had he not set them on this path. But then, he would think, what's the point of wondering? If everything had been different, then - everything would be different. To know that feels both obvious and unhelpful at once.
Something changed at Slidescape-36, though. Something precious and revelatory, a bright line of truth cutting through the murky uncertainties that they'd all lived with for so long. He is used to, at this point, the sound and the sensation of the Board within him, communicating on a level deeper than the physical limitations of sound and hearing. It's been decades, now, of having had that responsibility placed upon his shoulders, the presence of the Board's voice within him guiding him to guide the Bureau itself.
The presence from the slidescape isn't like that. It doesn't demand, not in the same way. Rather than receiving orders, this feels like being given a teaching - on his knees and palms outstretched to something he can barely begin to comprehend, a chance encounter that opened his mind to the possibility of something greater, perhaps even more so than the Board itself--
As was the nature of linear time, Trench knows that there must have been a point, a singular moment, before which Casper Darling could still have been saved. Time before the expedition, time before discovering that thing of his. Trench wonders what it is he could have done; he wonders what options remain to him, what he is still capable of doing.
Hedron's influence will corrupt them all if he doesn't do something, Trench knows that much. In a time previous he might have gone to Darling for advice, that suggestion still pulling uselessly at him even as he knows that it isn't an option at all; the antagonism of their recent clashes has given way to silence, no doubt some petulant point-blank refusal to engage with the situation at all. Trench knows how stubborn Darling can be. (But this is unusual even for you, he thinks, and he can't help the part of him that worries, still, regardless.)
It doesn't help to think of a moment during which all of this could have been prevented, but it is important, Trench knows, to recognise this as the moment to seize before everything gets worse. This is the time to act, and it is nothing more or less than his duty as Director to do so.
Darling remembers Marshall's face, back during the P6 incident - the knowledge that she'd been right, and the way he'd only realised that in retrospect. He isn't the sort of man to spend too much time dwelling on the past, but he thinks of that, now, wondering if these two events are similar - if there had been a point, now far behind them, where all of this could have been--... different.
He doesn't know if they could have stopped it. Even now, under Hedron's guidance, he still doesn't really know what it is he's working to stop - only the knowledge, settled deep into his instincts, that something is coming and that Hedron will guide him, with grace and benevolence, towards an outcome of protection. He is protected, he knows that much - but he knows, too, that he is only one man, and that the threat around them has the potential to consume everything and all of them.
Had there been a moment, somewhere along the line, where this had crossed over into something unstoppable? He remembers conversations with Trench, late at night, talking out the possibilities. Trench, speaking of it like it was a chance to prove himself - to whom, Darling didn't know. Not to me, certainly. You never had to prove yourself to me. If they'd never thought to explore the slidescape to begin with--... but Darling couldn't see that as ever having been an option. The curiosity would have eaten him alive otherwise.
Slidescape-36, too, had been where they'd found Hedron. Darling was accustomed to feeling like there was never enough time for everything he wanted to accomplish, but this discovery had brought a new sense of urgency, the limitless feeling - giddy and hopeless, both at once - that he could study Hedron for the rest of his life and still have barely scratched the surface. He couldn't help but think, if only we'd done this sooner.
There's no time. No time to throw himself into his research, as he might have wished to have done were it not for the threat--... but the threat is overbearing, and that urge has become terrifyingly literal. The growing realisation that the research is everything and in order to meet its potential, then he, too, will have to give everything.
He thinks of Trench, as he works. The way he'd always stated that the Bureau is the Director's life--, and that he'd had to lose everything, first, to understand that. Darling had thought he'd understood that at the time, but realises now how little he knew, back then; he wishes now that he could talk to Trench, to Zach, as they always talked, back before all of this. To be able to tell him that he understands.
To be able to say I understand now, Zach.
And... I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
Title: From One Moment To The Next
Fandom: Control
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 | Spoilers
Bonus: No
Word Count: 986
Summary: Both Trench and Darling wonder if there was a moment in which there could have been a different outcome.
It didn't help to wonder, Trench knew, but he found himself wondering regardless: was there a single moment before which all of this could have been prevented?
The threads of that, he knows, wind back far into the past. There are the superficial things he can blame others for, but he thinks of his own actions, and he thinks of Susanna - because he never stopped - and he knows, firm and unshakable, that there is nobody else to blame but himself. The ventures into the slidescape, the Faden children and the events at Ordinary, the Prime Candidate program, the act of becoming Director in the first place - Trench wonders, now, what shape his life might have taken had he not set them on this path. But then, he would think, what's the point of wondering? If everything had been different, then - everything would be different. To know that feels both obvious and unhelpful at once.
Something changed at Slidescape-36, though. Something precious and revelatory, a bright line of truth cutting through the murky uncertainties that they'd all lived with for so long. He is used to, at this point, the sound and the sensation of the Board within him, communicating on a level deeper than the physical limitations of sound and hearing. It's been decades, now, of having had that responsibility placed upon his shoulders, the presence of the Board's voice within him guiding him to guide the Bureau itself.
The presence from the slidescape isn't like that. It doesn't demand, not in the same way. Rather than receiving orders, this feels like being given a teaching - on his knees and palms outstretched to something he can barely begin to comprehend, a chance encounter that opened his mind to the possibility of something greater, perhaps even more so than the Board itself--
As was the nature of linear time, Trench knows that there must have been a point, a singular moment, before which Casper Darling could still have been saved. Time before the expedition, time before discovering that thing of his. Trench wonders what it is he could have done; he wonders what options remain to him, what he is still capable of doing.
Hedron's influence will corrupt them all if he doesn't do something, Trench knows that much. In a time previous he might have gone to Darling for advice, that suggestion still pulling uselessly at him even as he knows that it isn't an option at all; the antagonism of their recent clashes has given way to silence, no doubt some petulant point-blank refusal to engage with the situation at all. Trench knows how stubborn Darling can be. (But this is unusual even for you, he thinks, and he can't help the part of him that worries, still, regardless.)
It doesn't help to think of a moment during which all of this could have been prevented, but it is important, Trench knows, to recognise this as the moment to seize before everything gets worse. This is the time to act, and it is nothing more or less than his duty as Director to do so.
-----
Darling remembers Marshall's face, back during the P6 incident - the knowledge that she'd been right, and the way he'd only realised that in retrospect. He isn't the sort of man to spend too much time dwelling on the past, but he thinks of that, now, wondering if these two events are similar - if there had been a point, now far behind them, where all of this could have been--... different.
He doesn't know if they could have stopped it. Even now, under Hedron's guidance, he still doesn't really know what it is he's working to stop - only the knowledge, settled deep into his instincts, that something is coming and that Hedron will guide him, with grace and benevolence, towards an outcome of protection. He is protected, he knows that much - but he knows, too, that he is only one man, and that the threat around them has the potential to consume everything and all of them.
Had there been a moment, somewhere along the line, where this had crossed over into something unstoppable? He remembers conversations with Trench, late at night, talking out the possibilities. Trench, speaking of it like it was a chance to prove himself - to whom, Darling didn't know. Not to me, certainly. You never had to prove yourself to me. If they'd never thought to explore the slidescape to begin with--... but Darling couldn't see that as ever having been an option. The curiosity would have eaten him alive otherwise.
Slidescape-36, too, had been where they'd found Hedron. Darling was accustomed to feeling like there was never enough time for everything he wanted to accomplish, but this discovery had brought a new sense of urgency, the limitless feeling - giddy and hopeless, both at once - that he could study Hedron for the rest of his life and still have barely scratched the surface. He couldn't help but think, if only we'd done this sooner.
There's no time. No time to throw himself into his research, as he might have wished to have done were it not for the threat--... but the threat is overbearing, and that urge has become terrifyingly literal. The growing realisation that the research is everything and in order to meet its potential, then he, too, will have to give everything.
He thinks of Trench, as he works. The way he'd always stated that the Bureau is the Director's life--, and that he'd had to lose everything, first, to understand that. Darling had thought he'd understood that at the time, but realises now how little he knew, back then; he wishes now that he could talk to Trench, to Zach, as they always talked, back before all of this. To be able to tell him that he understands.
To be able to say I understand now, Zach.
And... I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
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